London Sketches – A subsequent cancellation

Fully cognisant of the gloomy ambience, the Dickensian drafts, the drizzle-trickled tiles, the ploshy puddles, the turbid damp, death-defying escalators and vaguely wistful, “mind the gap,” tube and train travellers can also enjoy a variety of British excuses as to why their services are delayed. Here’s my personal plethora of some of the most memorable…
Human Error:
“Apologies for the delay, there has been an immature customer fighting on board the train.”
“The train now arriving on Platform One is on fire, passengers are strongly advised not to board this train.”
“Unfortunately, this service is delayed owing to an incident with a trampolinist.”
Wildlife and Nature:
“The service is delayed due to llamas blocking the line.”
“I’m sorry, we’ve had to cancel this service due to wasps setting up home on board, overnight.”
“A Limousin Bull has strayed on to the line, this breed of bull from the South West of France is very valuable and so we apologies for the delay in service.”
“Due to too many leaves blocking the line, this train will be delayed.”
Weather:
“Due to unusual slippery rain the 8.15 train is cancelled.”
“Apologies, we are having issues dispatching trains due to the strong sunshine this morning.”
“Apologies, due to delayed snowmen, we are experiencing cancellations.”
Staffing Issues:
“The service is delayed as we are still waiting for the late guard and driver.”(Were they deceased?)
“Unfortunately, the 4.30 am driver missed his alarm and has slept in, we hope the 5 am driver’s alarm is more effective.”
“The Circle Line is closed owing to there being no staff available, except me.”
“Due to staff breakdown the service will be delayed.”
“This train is delayed because we are waiting for a relief driver. The relief driver is delayed because he is on a delayed train. Apologies for the inconvenience.”
“We apologise for all delays to customers on Platform Two, this is due to a delay in the actual service.”
Finally, my all-time favourite from a legend with an imagination:
“The 11.38 has vanished into the new Bermuda Triangle between us and Waterloo.”
Got any classics? Do share 🙂