A couple boarded the tube (my venue of choice for people-watching). He was an unremarkable fellow, pasty, chubby and dressed in a black puffer jacket which did him no favours. She, on the other hand, was at the vanguard of puffery – the cosmetic-truly-committed kind. As current fashion dictates, the girl’s eyelashes were so enhanced that she was forced to squint through the forest which bestowed a comical effect to her expression. Her lips, breasts and bottom where so pneumatically pumped up, that one had the idea that whoever had their hand on the apparatus had forgotten to say, “when”. Gentlemanlike, her beau sat in the only available seat, while she remained standing.
The young god immediately got out his phone, and began scrolling through, largely ignoring his companion, who really did look like the kind of inflatable you’d find in the windows of Anne Summers – perhaps that’s the (unsettling) aim?
“So..yeah. It’s Saturday tomorrow,” she stated.
“Yeah,” he replied not looking up, fixated by his device.
“So what are you doing?” she prodded.
“What?” He was still scrolling through his mobile, “I dunno, maybe ‘ave a lie in.”
“No, but I want to do somefing tomorrow. Let’s do somefing.”
“Yeah, but I just want to chill, it’s Sat’day innit?”
“Yeah, I know but I want to do somefing, go somewhere.”The girl tossed back her hair extensions, touching his leg with her glossed talons – they really were very long.
“C’mon let’s do somefing tomorrow.”
He sighed, glancing up momentarily from his phone.
“Yeah, like what?”
“Huh?” She said.
“Like what? What d’you want to do tomorrow?” He asked.
The goddess paused. (The suspense was killing me.)
“Somefing,” the lady enunciated.
“What?” He repeated.
“Can’t fink!” She replied (resist the urge to think Reader, resist!)
At last, she had his full attention, he gawped up at her.
Batting her loaded eyelashes, she pouted, “I don’t know, but somefing.” Then an idea lit up her entire face, “Let’s ask, Siri!”
(Let’s ask Siri!)
Naturally, when I got home I asked Siri the question, “tell me what to do?” After a pause, I got, “I am not sure I understand”.
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