‘Forgotten password?’ Two simple words, typed guilelessly into the search bar, directing you to ‘customer service help’ that leads you down, like the newly-condemned, into the five circles of hell.
We’ve all been there, in a seemingly endless loop of FAQs, password reset, face-recognition, and PIN authorizations that don’t work. Authentication – where there’s more chance of your ex acknowledging you appreciatively in their Will, than the app ever recognizing you.
Gone are the halcyon days when you could get an actual person on the phone to solve your problem, now we’re all doomed to Ai, that does not understand the hissed nuance of: “What fresh hell is this?” (The Bard.)
All this is an analogy for how our once-simple-lives have been complicated by meaningless administrivia; or how to really waste the hours, days and even weeks of our precious time. We have all, quietly – and with no apparent resistance – been trained into this mindnumfuggery, blind, obedient sheep to tech’ giants and global corporations. Baa-aaa!
Did I want to spend half my morning, faffing about on screen, to my own rising melody of bitter, expletives? Don’t fret! Soon you’ll get an emoji- laden email asking you to rate the ‘service’ you have not received or even worse, to write a review of your experience.
What the? Why do we, the consumers, put up with it? The computer says, ‘no’.[1] Well, I say, “non!” (It always sounds better in French.) Je suis un être humain”.[2]
I’ve solved the problem. delete the app and step away from the screen. It works! No more shitage, bull-shitage, red-tape-age! I’m off for a skip along the beach – if you need me, give me an old-school ring.
Katharine Summers © July 2022, All rights reserved.
[1] Little Britain, 2004
[2] I am a human being