LONELY?
Can’t abide your own family? Overseas? No kin at all? Our caring service is designed especially for you!
At a very reasonable rate you can hire our Mum model. She comes complete with baking gloves, warm ‘mummy’ smell, fluffy slippers and pre-programmed chat: “Wipe that look off your face! Were you born in a barn? Are you eating enough? It’s cold outside, because I said so, and there’s fruit in the bowl.”
Dad comes with a novelty apron and BBQ tongs, (we’ll throw in a complimentary TV remote). We can personalise random comments, such as: “Don’t make me turn this car around, when I was your age… Ever heard of making a phone call? Ask your mother,” etc.
Our enthusiastic speechwriter aims to please, with the famous lecture: “I’m deeply disappointed in you…” However, all family sermons can be individually tailored to your emotional needs.
After a bigger family? Accessorize with an extra Brother or Sister from the Sibling Rivalry Range.
For that real touch of authenticity, add a bit of chaos to your place! Do check out our superior Offspring Offerings, comprising the Sullen Teen, Tween Nightmare, Screaming Tantrum, Stainmaster and Little Shit collections.
Had no luck in the love dept’? Not to worry, you can hire a perfect partner in a variety of styles and genders to suit. Top of the range is our chic Trophy Wife accessorised in Versace. If budget is a priority, do browse through our Economy Spouse section, Couch potato and Mullet are perennial favourites.
For that genuine touch, add extras to your shopping cart, such as sarcasm, slagging or silent treatment. Try offensive body odour, halitosis or dandruff too – such fun!
For special celebrations, Black Sheep can be an hilarious complement to any social event, or should you prefer something more subtle, we have an exclusive assortment of Suspect Uncles and Maiden Aunts.
Family Pets are available in all types: Dead Goldfish, Escaped Hamster or Moulting Moggie are delightful additions to any home. Our Canine Collection includes The Stinker, The Sniff Any Crotch and Wet Dog – All firm favourites!
For a limited time only, we are throwing in a complimentary SET OF STEAK KNIVES for an enhanced family experience. So don’t delay, Rent-Your-Rellie today!
© 2022 All rights reserved – Katharine Summers